Bios

Why Expendable Edibles Can’t Spoil Our Day

At this very moment, in some fancy shmancy household, there’s an expendable edible on the menu. Certainly, the chef could afford to lose that bruised mango, or that ramekin of chopped onions. But, because of some quirk in her make-up (or upbringing?), she just can’t bring herself to throw out what’s perfectly good ...but not perfect.

That’s where we come in. After years and years of gleeful experimentation, Marlene and I have developed a culinary “witness protection program” - one in which expendable edibles are given entirely new identities, and what identities they are:

Wrinkled tomatoes & grapes – sliced to sweeten coconut-infused Duck Curry sauce
Horny potatoes & squooshy avocados –puréed into a Columbian vichysoisse
Tattered watermelon – soaking up the last drop of rum in corn relish
Half jars of anchovies, olives & tuna – dressed up and ready to shimmer as tapenade
Headless chocolate bunnies – melted into an elegant ganache topping

The shocking truth for us is not how many classically trained chefs work with foods as deserving as the over-ripe banana- but how few of their expendable edible recipes ever go mainstream. Ask any chef; the “use it or lose it” anthem has been drummed into their toque blanc heads since culinary school. (The Larousse Gastronomique, the bible of classical French cooking, is built on a model of complete utilization.) The problem is looking in from the outside, cooking with expendable edibles seems like bad manners or of questionable taste. Nice chefs aren’t supposed to disguise ingredients inside other dishes - or are they?

Well, now they can. By inventing an umbrella name and vocab to match, we’ve brought the subject out of the closet, making it more acceptable, even sexy and trendy. In six clear instances when the kitchen spirits command you to make a conscious choice, we ask: Should you make something divine out of this non-essential, or send it on a one-way ride down the disposal?

Celebrity chefs aren’t talking yet, but the subject surely rings a bell. With minimal artistry, professional chefs use these “jewels” all the time to deepen flavors that lie dormant in dishes. They “shape-shift” them into tints or garnishes, like beet-tinted risotto. They use them to create new textures, such as cookie crumb layers or trifles. And along the way, these jewels are also improving our health with a vitamin and mineral blast otherwise lost if tossed, as with Creole Potato Crisps from baked potato peels.

Turning around your food’s karma is exciting stuff, bordering on a spiritual experience. But what’s really fun is using your wits, connecting with your creative cook and not letting anything spoil your day.

It’s Not My Fault

Of course, it’s not your fault. Nobody deliberately shops for expendable edibles; they simply happen . Most of the time, expendable edibles are born out of a convergence where nature and/or human action collide in unintended ways.

Refrigerator and freezer doors swing open and shut all day, contributing to temperature spikes and dips, speeding up the spoilage timeline already underway.
The fruit bowl near the window is exposed to unnecessarily high heat, humidity, oxygen, and sunlight, depending upon which direction your windows face.
Sometimes the damage’s been done before you even get home. What about the physical stress at first plucking? The chill factor injury encountered during transportation? Packaging weaknesses at the store that create condensation? That rough little bagger kid …?

We could play it safe and do what the French do: buying unpackaged foods on a daily basis. Or buy only foods low in moisture, high in sugar, salt, or acids. These have slower deterioration rates, but then we wouldn’t be Americans and do some of the things we do best: overstock, over-buy, under cook. The end game is that we tend to play Russian roulette with heat, moisture, oxygen, light, microorganisms, food-borne pathogens, food enzyme activity, and chemical reactions. And time.

“Eat by…” deadlines assigned to your foods vary wildy - enough to send the most organized home cook running for take-out. The smarter approach is getting better at managing your edibles as they cross the line into Expendible Edible Country.

The Fine Art of Recovery

After your groceries have settled in for a while, keep your eyes open. Catching un-lovables on the brink can make you feel as giddy as a teenager with a new driver’s license.

Be aware that expendable edibles fall into three key groups:

Foods needing immediate attention (Stems, Skins & Stalks)
Consumables that can take a number and wait patiently in the fridge or freezer ( Past Peak, Once-Cooked and Negligible Quantities, Ill-Fated Creations)
Edibles that can remain preserved for weeks on end but may die sometime during our lifetime (Nearly Expired)

So, don’t dally.

Endnote

Pulling off truly gourmet caliber dishes with expendable edibles requires that you be up on things - a citizen of the world and a chef who knows when it's time to go overseas (figuratively) for inspiration. This might involve nothing more than a little added complexity and exotic fusion in flavor, texture, and presentation.

Although … not everything is a go. Here are the guidelines:

Never shop deliberately for expendable edibles. Start with perfect ingredients (cleaned or groomed with running water, a veggie brush or paring knife, if necessary).
See what’s on hand and be open to substitutions.
Remember that foods that lose their beauty pageant looks
still have plenty of culinary spunk left.
Have fun morphing foods from one texture into another, employing whatever means
are at your disposal, including heating, freezing, food processing, etc.
Get unglued from your recipe card and exact measurements, and keep tasting your stuff (baking requires more precise chemistry, but that’s the big exception.)

Yes, some will laugh at your noble work. But in our book, you’re saving the world.